TWENTY BY TWENTY | 4 & 5

Since I managed to fail miserably at accomplishing this Twenty by Twenty nonsense in a timely manner, and I will no longer be twenty next month, I'm gonna start lumping these guys together. Also just gonna call it right now and say I will definitely not get to twenty by the time I'm twenty-one. To that end, something important I've learned about myself throughout this series is that I am not nearly as full of wisdom as I once thought. Who knew?

So, because I'm brave and courageous and all that, I have decided to tackle two of the scariest topics known to adolescence: trying new things and change. Because while, yes, horror movies about killer dolls are terrifying, there's a much smaller chance you will get mutilated by a ceramic colonial child at some point in your life than there is that you will experience some form of change or be forced to try something new. I'm being practical here. 

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the quiet game

There's been a lot of talk about speaking up and/or speaking out lately. Which is cool. But I wanted to talk about something that has always gone without much celebration: silence.

When I say silence I mean a more every day kind of silence. Awkward silences in conversations, extended silences in relationships, general silence in any kind of social situation, or just being alone and sitting in your own silence. For whatever reason, the concept of casual silence is somewhat frowned upon in society. Rarely is there an awkward silence in a group conversation that isn't followed by someone nervously chuckling and saying, "whoa it just got so quiet ha ha" and it has somehow been deemed unusual for someone to say they spent some alone time with themselves over the weekend. I'm not sure why or how, but we've managed to make silence seem wrong or weird. This is wild to me because, man, you can find so much beauty in silence. 

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2017 recap

I remember everyone at the end of last year being all "2016 suuUuucked, let's make 2017 the dooOOoOpestTtt!!!!!" and, if we're being honest, I was secretly in the same boat. I'm a relatively pessimistic person, but I'm rarely outwardly negative (I'm a positive pessimist, which sounds paradoxical but we'll touch on that sometime in the future. Maybe). So basically I was ready for 2016 to be over but it's not like I was letting all of Twitter know. I was just kind of shooting prayers up to God asking Him to make 2017 a little less super duper terrible. And, in a way, He did.  But millennials believe otherwise. I'm seeing the same sort of stuff going around now at the end of this year. Now don't get me wrong, I was definitely present when certain chunks of the year were going to crap and I went through a lot of personal hardships too. However, I want to choose to look at it differently. 

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TWENTY BY TWENTY | 3. it's okay to care what people think

"Now that you've told us some of your strengths, why don't you tell us about some of your weaknesses?" asks the portly interviewer who has had this job for far too long and is spending their lunch hour interviewing candidates for a job nobody wants, but everyone needs. 

"Well, sir (or madam because, duh, it's 2017), I care too much." says the person who is so sure they are nailing this job interview with their totally original answer. 

This whole scenario hits a little too close to home for me. This is mainly because caring to an obsessive and unhealthy degree is not a strength masked as a cute, fake weakness for me; but it is a real, deep-rooted, and debilitating weakness. Ya girl cares way. too. much. About EVERYTHING. 

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yearbook one

Recently, I spent the months of August, September, and a fraction of October in a lovely little town in Utah called Ogden. This is probably the first and last time you'll ever hear of Ogden as it is very small and typically outshone by its siblings Park City and Salt Lake City. I knew approximately zero people in Ogden except for the nine others that made the journey with me, and boy oh boy do birds of a feather flock together. There is nothing quite like being in a city with very little to do where you know zero people to make you instantly bond with those in the same situation. 

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